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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:29 pm

I didn't really write this as a poem, but it's not really anything, so poem it shall be.

Please no harsh comments, you have no idea how nervous I feel about posting this. pale Neutral

Edit: Just thought I'd say, I think Linkin Park have been a big influence to this poem, espeacially their song By Myself.

Edit: Taken down for the best Excited/Very Happy if you want to read it, I'll send you it.
NOW PEOPLE, stop jumping to conclusions ffs. Rolling Eyes


Last edited by Shrimp on Sat Nov 29, 2008 5:46 pm; edited 4 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:32 pm

Gemma it's brilliant.

It shows a lot of passion and anger towards the bullies and other people and you're right, you do have great friends and they are a waste of time.

Good work hunny Friends
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:34 pm

Gothy wrote:
Gemma it's brilliant.

It shows a lot of passion and anger towards the bullies and other people and you're right, you do have great friends and they are a waste of time.

Good work hunny Friends

Thank you, But im still nervous Friends As I said, I have some of THE best friends in the world Excited/Very Happy


Last edited by Shrimp on Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:18 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Phrasing issues lol)
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deltablue
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:44 pm

not all of them

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“Someone once told me that 'time' is a predator that stalks us all our lives. But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived. After all, we're only mortal.”
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:47 pm

Huh? If your refering to "I have THE best friends in the world". I know that, but scratch I have the best friends in the world for me, I need lessons in phrasing things xD
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deltablue
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:51 pm

not as much as you think. there were actually big words in that. you're smarter than you've been letting on.

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“Someone once told me that 'time' is a predator that stalks us all our lives. But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived. After all, we're only mortal.”
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:54 pm

Thats why I think my brain has a school mode and an other mode. What big words?
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MrsDeathCARRs
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 5:07 pm

I didn't notice any particularly big words.

Who needs big big big words, though. It's well written, Gemma.
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 5:11 pm

Yeah, I dont see any big words either.

Its not that well written.
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MrsDeathCARRs
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 5:21 pm

Yeh it is, don't put yourself down it's a srsly Tounge Out good peice of work. Excited/Very Happy:D
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Fri Nov 07, 2008 5:30 pm

Its not that good. And do you have a deathwish? Shocked
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:20 pm

Gemma, I like the edit. It's brilliant Excited/Very Happy:D
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:22 pm

I only changed the first part, mainly because I didn't like how the rest was so different from it. Funny how the oringinal ideas don't always stay. Excited/Very Happy
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MrsDeathCARRs
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:37 pm

It flows more easily at the start tbh

It's great. Excited/Very Happy:D
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:40 pm

Yaah, it does flow better now, but it's not that good. Laughing
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:43 pm

Was quite a good poem! a few grammar errors here and there but overall it was a good read. (:
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MrsDeathCARRs
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:45 pm

Care to point out the grammar errors?

I didn't see any tbh Neutral but it'll help her improve (unless she doesn't want you to point stuff out)
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:46 pm

Quacky wrote:
Was quite a good poem! a few grammar errors here and there but overall it was a good read. (:

Well for a first attempt at writing a poem, that wasn't for school, I guess a few grammar errors isn't bad. Laughing


Oh, no, feel free to point out errors.
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:47 pm

well for starters. 'your gonna pay' should be 'you're'

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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:48 pm

deltablue wrote:
well for starters. 'your gonna pay' should be 'you're'

I never was that good at grammar Laughing

This could end up being a long list...
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deltablue
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:49 pm

however you shouldn't have put it up

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Quacky
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:50 pm

deltaSRS wrote:
well for starters. 'your gonna pay' should be 'you're'
Mmm indeed, still i didnt really notice it and it didnt distract me at all from the poem it is great for a first try and i do think you should continue on. (:
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:50 pm

deltablue wrote:
however you shouldn't have put it up

Why?
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deltablue
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:51 pm

I've already warned you ages ago about what you post

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“Someone once told me that 'time' is a predator that stalks us all our lives. But I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived. After all, we're only mortal.”
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Shrimp loves RAM forever
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PostSubject: Re: Poem   Mon Nov 10, 2008 2:52 pm

deltablue wrote:
I've already warned you ages ago about what you post

Sorry for being a bit thick, but what's the problem with posting a poem? confused
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